interview prep

I slept better last night, I made some green tea and cuddled in bed with my study notes, my bird classification book and an interviewing study guide book. Although any night following the night before last would guarantee for a good night sleep. Because it’s just me in bed I can put anything in bed and sleep with it in there, for example, I took the last few nights of sleeping as an indication of what last nights sleep pattern might be and filled the bed with books. I don’t think I woke up twice (I woke up once at 4am but to my surprise fell asleep shortly after).

In lieu of my interview today I thought that I would blog about the types of birds I studied last night. For this job at Ducks Unlimited I will be (keep your fingers crossed folks) I will be collecting data regarding nests found in certain types of vegetation and landscapes. In many of the internet sites I read last night regarding the same type of Prairie Pothole Regions as the study that DU is administrating I came across the fact that Mallards, Gadwalls, Northern Pintails and Blue-winged Teal are the most noted birds. From my sources of what I will have to know for this interview I am told to know bird ecology, meaning what they eat, when they breed where they migrate from etc. But since I know none of that and am going to be relying on a few facts.

Mallard. The mallard is the most abundant wild duck in North America, reaching almost 9 million birds. Their nesting takes place primarily in the Prairie provinces and they migrate to these provinces in march/april to nest in the dead grasses, reeds and sedges of the Prairie Pothole region. Mallards nest one of the earliest birds and have a long breeding season with the possibility of renesting before mid June when their breeding period ends along with most other ducks. Their breeding style is very similar to the Northern Pintail in length. The Mallard has the highest nesting success rate when nested in planted cover but the least while in cropland, for obvious tillage and predator reasons associated with cropland.

Northern Pintail. Despite the wide geographic range of the pintail it’s primarily nesting location is also in the Prairie Pothole Region (PPR). They prefer shallow wetlands and planted cover but dislike grassland. As noted earlier the Pintail is much like the Mallard with similar breeding season, nesting early and renesting. Both the Mallard and the Pintail range from mid April to mid June. The Pintails breed shortly after the ice melts and are said to have a new mating partner each year being very promiscuous on the breeding grounds. They lay between 3-12 eggs at a time, laying one a day. The Northern Pintails are not endangered but their populations have decreased noticeably in size.

Gadwall. The Gadwall diet, and I’m assuming it’s the same as other mentioned ducks, consists of grass, aquatic plants, grain and nuts. Their population, unlike the pintails, have increased noticeably since the 1950’s. The breeding season is much like the Blue-Winged Teal. Both Ducks begin mid-late may and are done breeding by mid June. This breeding season is much shorter and begins later then the previous two bird species. The Gadwall prefers fresh water marshes in central North American, meaning the Prairie Provinces. A note about the Gadwall that will come in handy with the data collection is that the male Gadwall will leave the female midway through the incubation period. (To find a sexier duck, no doubt. I know all about you men. Damn you Gadwall)

Blue-Winged Teal. The Blue Winged Teal is noted to have the highest nesting success rate, meaning that their offspring are more likely to survive and prosper during the breeding season and summer and they are less affected by predators and tilling then the other birding locations. These birds are also noted to have great speed and beauty. The BWT is the first to migrate away in the fall but is the last to arrive in spring. Regardless of being the last to arrive they breed sooner then the Gadwall. Both these birds do not renest but have higher success rate then the Mallard and Pintail.

This data was taken from a study from the USGS collected early to mid 1980’s but published in 1995. The age of the publication is said to matter but how much would bird ecology change? Other bird information was found on a variety of websites relating to the specific species. If your going to be picky and ask for a work cited page, I can make one up for you, but please Miss Broadly, they aren’t life and death anymore. I hope you’ve all enjoyed your lesson about waterfowl.

PS. Shit, this interview is only 3 and a half hours away. Eeeeek.

monster trucks and belly button lint

Mike says that some of my entries are really down and depressing. I asked him if it mattered and he said I could write whatever I wanted. I am experiencing a great deal of depression. I know that people often have a hard time finding a job when they first get out of school and even when they have been at the job for a while and I’m told not to get down, but I have, I successfully gotten farther down this past week then I know how to re-cheer myself back up. I was always depressed as a kid but it was better when I could go to school and forget about the pain for 8-9 hours during the day. Here, I don’t have time to forget, it’s always present and with that it’s a vicious circle. I don’t leave the house enough and when I do I can’t go anywhere (except for the odd day I can go into Cambridge when my sister works). Yesterday I went for a walk, which was nice. I’m not sleeping well either and sleep about 5 of the ten hours I spend attempting to sleep. Last night I figured out how to work the radio in my room and attempted to listen to my Discman but the batteries were dead. I find it very soothing to listen to music when you sleep, A, it muffles random sounds in the house, b, it clears the mind, and C, if someone was to rob you; they know someone is in the room. I’m not surprised my Discman is dead, I listened to it most nights while in England, cause I couldn’t sleep a lot there either, much different reasons though. So that’s the reason for this blog entry, I didn’t sleep well and laid awake all night deciding what I wanted to write, realizing that writing has taken over my obsession of the Sims. At least this obsession is healthy and positive rather then living my life through some computerized people.

And you, I prayed for you. I didn’t pray for your soul nor your eternal salvation, I didn’t pray for your spiritual well being or you state of apathy. But I prayed for you, you are admirable and possess value on a grand scale in my mind and I prayed selfishly for you. I prayed for you like I prayed for passing marks, like the odds of finding $1000 laying on the street for me, I prayed that you’d be the one to enter my life and make me smile, I hoped that you’d be the one to hold my hand through this worldly life. But like my passing marks and my mysterious $1000, you’re but a mere dream and a slight waste of breath that I sent to God. You might have felt something once, or you might not have.

Wow, this pair is kinda good, I haven’t enjoyed a pair since Plaquet’s cut down their tree. Did I use the right spelling there? Ah who knows? Interview study notes are calling my name.

my love life (My nephew is the cutest boy ever)

Yesterday I talked with my nephew, who is about 3 and a half, almost four. When you don’t see babies more then twice a year you don’t realize the progress that they make on a continual basis. I knew that Cordell, my nephew, could talk, but I didn’t know he was capable of carrying out full-fledged conversations. He said that mom (my sister) was in the bathroom with Ansleigh, my niece, so I talked with him for a while. He told me about many things happening in his life, such as his dog being run over, the trip to the pet store and wanting to get a cat, his new Christmas toys, and he told me about Ansleigh’s toy kitchen set and fake food that she got for her birthday. In return I told him about the turkeys and chickens I take care of every morning, the squirrels that are always on the bird feeders and the birds that I see around here. Birds and animals were the main topic because I’m sure he doesn’t really care about my job searching struggle or my past and present relationships. So as I’m talking to him about what birds I’ve seen around here and what birds he has seen in his area, and he is beginning to sound very confused and says “why are you still seeing birds? Shouldn’t all your birds be down south?” I thought, how the hell do you know about migration patterns of birds and the fact that they fly south, your three, what’s wrong with just noticing that birds aren’t around all the time? Of course I didn’t say that to him, I just politely answered his questions about which birds go down south and when they do fly away or what humming birds eat and drink verses what blue jays eat and drink. He also went on to say that he hates Magpies, they are loud and daddy shoots at them with the shotgun. “One time daddy shot a baby magpie, he did, he shot it dead.” Nice one Delmer (my brother in law) he’s going to be desensitized to wildlife thanks to your shotgun. Well after about 30 minutes of talking to my buddy he gives the phone to his mom, however, my niece intersected the two and needed to say a few words on the phone as well. “Dog…Bone” I asked her what noise a dog marks and she barked. It was cute. She just turned 2 December 30th. I can’t believe how cute she is. At my brothers wedding I was mesmerized by her shear beauty at such a young age. I can't wait to see them again. Hopefully the picture will attach. (nope, no picture again either)

The Day of Elijah

Well I don’t feel like writing today. I think I am coming down with a fever or something. Maybe I’m just worn out and need to take a break. But I couldn’t not write today, even if he isn’t reading, or will ever see this, this is the Day of Elijah, and needed to write, at least a short entry. Yes, Happy Birthday Darling. 25 is getting old, you’re a big boy now, it’s been great to be in love with you for almost 20 years now (between 15-20 years and that’s a long time). I’m glad that it has been you the whole time, I first saw you in Paradise and I know that that is where we will end up together as well. Such an appropriate song on the radio at the moment (UB 40) “take my hand, take my whole life too, cause I can’t help falling in love with you.” Wink Wink, Happy Birthday Elijah Wood.

a twist in the days events

My mornings are normally the same. I wake up around nine, give or take an hour, put on a pair of socks and throw my University of Waterloo sweater over my pj’s. With more then 8 hours since I’ve checked my email I walk into my computer room, switch on my computer, log onto the internet and check if I have new emails, but normally I don’t. Still unpopular, but still not concerned. My day then begins by reading job descriptions and attempting at cover letters. Every morning between the time I wake up and the time I’ve actually accomplished something I make a pot of tea, for the past week it’s been a black speciality blend, but anyone knows I have a variety of blacks or green teas at any given moment. But today, even though the same process of events took place, I had an interesting morning.

First, as I was standing in my computer room looking dazed towards the sun I noticed a bird on the tree. It was a nuthatch, and noticeably because it was walking face first towards the ground. Apparently not many birds do that, and it is a big distinguishing feature for the nuthatch. Well, he lifted his head and flew away from the tree, away from the tree, but towards me. As I watched the nuthatch fly towards me I expected him to elevate above the house and fly out of site, but to my surprise he didn’t elevate and flew directly into the window. My mind jumped to the many times Randy and I would feel much responsibly as children to teach the baby Robins to fly. They would have fallen out of the nest and the mother would have disappeared. So in blue sexy long johns, my sweatshirt, and my socks I run outside thinking that maybe, just maybe, I’d have to help this nuthatch regain consciousness. I was more excited to touch a little bird then the duties of teaching him how to fly, but anything to be a hero I guess. But he was gone and I didn’t need to help him after all, I guess he didn’t hit the window that hard, but when dealing with a new bird species you don’t know how sensitive they are to bruises.

Well a few moments later I was standing in the dinning room looking at the woodpecker feeder, watching a small Downy woodpecker peck at the feed when I heard a familiar bird sound. I like to think I can identify between 25-50% of North American birds but I can’t do sounds yet. So as I am looking around for this familiar bird I see him. I haven’t seen many of them for about a month and then when I did see them I saw so many I probably should have gotten sick of them. It was my bluejay, sitting very majestically on the tree branch. I was very surprised and tried not to move but decided that I should go check on the chickens.

The chickens are dumb, nothing special happens with them and the only stories they create is when one of them dies for no apparent reason and I have to take them out to the burning pile to be taken by a fox or something that coming night. But as I am standing in the barn looking for a pair of scissors I hear what sounds like a million rats rustling to get to a safer location. I don’t mind mice, but I’m sure I dislike rats. I stand still, fearing for some reason that they are all going to jump out on me and if I act like I’m dead they will leave me be. However, as I’m watching like a hawk, the direction of the footsteps I see a little guy peaking out to see if the coast is clear and safe for him to move from one hiding spot to another. He wasn’t a rat, nor was he a mouse, and I looked closely thinking he was the size of a chipmunk (which I love watching) but knowing he wasn’t the typical brown. In fact, they were baby squirrels. I saw a few more in my walk through the barn and began to throw rusted nails at the direction of the pattering. I heard them running around scared crapless for a few moments and then decided that I was better to waste my time watching the stupid chickens do nothing but quack, I’m assuming about their food choices seeing as its very bland, then it was to give the time of day to the squirrels.

Exciting eh? Well it seems like I am on a role with excitement and maybe while I shower and make Mr. Noodle (of course I don’t do them at the same time, but they are two objectives to complete today) more excitement will prevail. Unlikely, but just maybe.

(I need a life, *sigh*)

asking God why....

As a good mennonite kid i grew up not asking questions, and i grew up in the church. Things that happened always happened for a reason. I never knew the reason, often guessed at it, but i knew that God would unveel his plan eventually to the person it mattered to. I was sad when things happened, like when my cat died or when Rhonda was taken or when Liona's dad died. I asked question about life and death and why i was who i was and where i was, but i never directed those thoughts to God. I was 22 before i really said "why God why?" I don't think i had prayed for as much or depended on prayer as much as i did when my cousin Sara was diagonsed with cancer. I have a fear of death and most likely from my parents constantly listening to the obitchuaries and picking up the Aylmer Express and only buying it if someone they new was on the back page. So when Sara was dealing with her cancer i feared that she would soon leave us, and when she did, i remember being in Manitoba for her funeral and being on a walk at my sisters place. I must have been walking for 10 mintues before i saw the neighbours house in the distance, talk about being in the country. Well it was there that i really sat down and directed anger to God, there was a reason why her, i knew that, but why her why now and why so young and why not me instead.

I mention questioning God, because i don't do it much. I mean, i've always prayed, less now then before, but now i wonder and listen up God, cause your the only one that can answer, but how can you let a church burn? I ask this because you often don't hear about churches perishing in flames, you hear about houses and the loss that people go through, but why a church. How could you let a church, your home God, burn?? I know it's not the extent to the question "if you are the choosen one, why won't you save yourself?" but it's along those lines. If you have all the power, why would you let the house of the Lord burn. I guess i may need to do some reading about the age of the church and what caused the fire, but what good could come of the gathering house of so many christians being ruined. I mean, i'd be devasted if the Mt. Salem church caught flames. I haven't gone there for a while and by the looks of the congregation when i do go, many people who once filled the pews no longer do either.

well i've looked for the article with no luck. this church was in Brantford and called St. Andrew's United. I guess i was wrong in saying that you don't often hear about Churches catching fire because as i typed in "church fire" i get 1 850 000 sites. And when i add "st. Andrew's" i narrow it down to 185 000 sites. Well this entry doesn't seem to be as good as i imagined it would be as i was thinking about writing it sitting in the hottub an hour ago. But still, maybe it makes you think.

The middle of the bed

My new phenomenon is that sleeping in the middle of the bed is great. This way, you warm more of the bed and if you roll over you are more likely to not roll into a cold area because your body heat expands both ways from your body. This way also eliminates the amount of times you almost fall off the bed. I mean, at 23, I’m not as prone to rolling off the bed as I was at 5, but the tendency to roll just an inch away from that cold hard floor still exists when you only use one side of the bed. Is this sleeping position new? Or has it just been foreign to me a lot longer then it has to others? My new bed at my sisters house is a queen size with a beautiful duvet, covering me with enough feathers and air as it takes to give me the most amount of comfort while I toss and turn. I love this duvet thing enough to make my new quilt a duvet cover rather then the traditional quilt. My quilt will still possess the patchwork and stitching, but will also incorporate the casing needed for the duvet. This project excites me and I may follow up the blanket project with matching pillowcases, I feel that you also sleep better when your room is organized and matching. Besides the duvet there is one thing I am still having difficulties getting over. After four years of having my own room I still hate waking up alone. It depresses me as though it’s foreshadowing what the day will be like, I don’t mind a few hours alone but to wake up day after day with no one but the regulars (meaning the brother-in-law and sister, whom I love for letting me stay here). I’m going to enjoy married life, well the part where my life will then contain the responsibility of caring for someone and waking up with them, but not necessarily the part about the disagreements and the big discition making (but hopefully that part is enjoyable as well).

beneath the pain

As a child who suffered her own share of abuse, I have managed to live a second life through a constant daydream. I used to sit in my room and imagine a perfect life, a perfect husband, a perfect job, and an atmosphere of constant love and happiness. Sharing a bedroom with an older sister (and often my younger sister as well) made it hard to have a quiet time, but I did. I managed to close my eyes and pretend that everything was perfect and that dad wasn’t arguing with someone upstairs or that I wasn’t nursing emotional and/or physical pain from being hurt the day before. Instead of dealing with life and people about problems, I hid them behind a constant series of dreams. Of course, there are signs and I can’t say that I had it as bad as some kids and maybe many people have it rough once in a while through life. But it seems that I can’t escape the dreams that I am still stuck living in.

The series of dreams was always the same; I went from dating Prince Charming to being married to him to having three kids with him. Always two boys and a girl. The length of the series deepened on how often I got bored of the story line. With age, the series and the steps between dating to marriage to kids has increased. I know more of what being an adult is all about and enjoy more adult type stuff now. I don’t make dreams perfect because I know there will always be hard ache, these story lines often contain aspects of illness, finical difficulty, and once in a blue moon, death. I’ve always been too embarrassed about my daydream obsession to talk to other people regarding whether a series of dreams is common, and when people refer to daydreaming, are they talking about having the same type of exodus from reality that I am. I don’t mind these dreams; I like how they put me to sleep at night and how they occupy my mind at 4 am when I find that I’m unable to sleep. But I’ve entered the phase where my dreams are real. When you break my heart, you interrupt my series. I’ve gone from day dreaming about Prince Charming to dreaming about my current crush. Not necessarily as a marriage partner, but in the dating phase.

Maybe it’s possible that since I live in the country again I am plagued by these dreams to compensate for my lack of transportation and lack of relationships. But I’m finding that I am tired of these dreams and want my life back. I want my mind to be filled with what could be and what I want rather then what I think I have or what would be if I wasn’t me, if this wasn’t my life, if the steps taken to get to that point were actually really taken and not just imagined. I want to be happy about life and not just happy at night when I have time to dream. I want to know what its like to have a clear mind. I want what I’m dreaming about but I will never get because my dreams are stopping me from living.

But I don’t want to be hurt anymore, I want peace, will it only every just be a dream?

The email... it finally came

In my drunken frustration, I sent my two friends who failed to show up at my other friend’s birthday party an email. I felt that as a group of people who are trying to remain friends with these two people we’ve been rejected and ignored long enough. Like I said in my ‘A Reason, A season, and a Lifetime’ blog since the wedding the one girl has slacked at responding to our attempts at getting ahold of her. So in conversation between the ladies they decided that these two girls deserve an email, I jumped up and decided that they needed an email at that very moment. I had such phrases as:

-We were all excited to hear the wedding stories and seeing the honeymoon pictures, but we have not heard from you about you not coming and feel that at this time you will be a no show.
-Very disappointed because as friends, we have not seen either of you for a while and feel that this would have been a great day to exchange stories and see each other before we all begin our lives for the new year
-the party here is going well so far and as you can see i'm sitting here typing to you both because we/I feel that it is important to still include you ladies in the days events.
-Please let us know what’s up?? Did we do something wrong?? did we buy the wrong lingerie?? Anyways, we all feel disappointed and used.
-Love Martha and the gang

The next morning we anxiously checked our email and waited patently for the reply to this, semi harsh, but more so just blunt email. Finally about a week later it came.

This email was well thought out and taken the stance that she is right and feels shocked that we felt “used and disappointed”. Her email stated her reasons and responses to my email:

-During the holidays Andrew and I had a car accident on the 401. There was a truck part on the road and we hit it and it caused a lot of damage to our car. (this is her husband’s second car accident in the four years that I have known him, and no car means no car, that didn’t just happen the day before)
-[My husband] had to drive up north to go pick [his sisters] up and then bring them back. It ended up taking way longer than expected (Driving to and from Halliburton takes over 2 hours one way, I’d assume it’s safe to phone the friends and tell them not to expect you)
-In general our holidays were really stressful because of the accident and work and I didn't even get a chance to see my family. (that sucks, but not our problem) There were a lot of expecations from Andrew's family (I got that assumption at the wedding after seeing that she gave in to their wants and dreams but gave up her own), my family, our youth group and our friends....and it feels like I didn't meet any of them but I spent the whole holiday trying to make everyone happy. (oh boo hoo)
-Now, I am not sure if this e-mail was composed by all of you or mostly Martha, but I would like affirmation that everything is ok....because I got an overal negative vibe from it and I want things to be cleared up. (Yeah, my name was mentioned!! Of course the email had a negative vibe, do you think I’m going to be happy about being stood up, luckily I wasn’t alone at the mall for 8 hours that would have sucked if had waited that long)

So I don’t mean to sound insensitive about a car accident, and I’m really very sorry that married life is more stressful then she had pictured. But not having a car means, no car, and if it looks tight then give the host a call, we’d understand. But so far all we’ve seen is her name (always set to away) on msn and haven’t heard anything from her.

So the last line kind of implied that I should be the one to reply to the email. I thought I should take the blame and state that I was the one frustrated with her absence, but to my surprise my friend had sent the reply before I got a chance to. I was very impressed with what she wrote:

-I am sorry that you got in a car accident but I am glad to hear that you are okay.
-It is ok that you could not make it to the party, problems can arise, but all I would ask is for a call from you to let me know that both of you would not be able to make it
-The last email was from all of us. (phew, I’m off the hook) Frankly, we feel that ever since the wedding you have dropped off the face of the earth. For example, I wouldn't have known even where you went for your honeymoon if I hadn't asked anyone. Even an update through email would be great.
-Everyone misses everyone and things are not the same anymore…but we have all got to make an effort to get together and keep in touch...that is all.

And that has been it so far. There has been no reply from her or anyone else so far. I think all has been said and all has been forgiven, but time is running out and as each day goes by I need to distinguish whom I should all invite to my wedding. I mean, if your going to sit on my friendship fence like this then maybe I’ll only invite you to my bridle showers and not the wedding. Time is money people, and even though my wedding won’t happen for at least 5 more years I need your friendships. Who else will buy me my much needed kitchen supplies?

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed the insight to my petty friendship problems

Martha

i don't want a pink and red teddy...

The thing about Valentines Day is that I’m single. I don’t think I’d hate it as much if I wasn’t or if I’ve had good previous V-day experiences. As a kid in grade school I always felt that I didn’t get as many cards as the other kids, but that may just be a self-esteem thing. No one means anything they say on the cards and everyone is given a class list to make sure they didn’t forget anyone in the class. The age when Valentines Day means something to people is in high school and everyone knows I was single all throughout with one exception. His name is Dustin and is my favourite New Years Eve story and my favourite first kiss story. Well, everyone only has one first kiss story but not everyone’s is as good as mine. The hook up between Dustin and I happened in January and as a hormone driven teenager I began to think of Valentines day and how great it’d be to be with someone on that once wretched day. I had the idea of a mixed tape, I know it’s dorky but I thought it was a good idea to record some of the songs we danced to, songs like the Jeff Healy Band’s Angel Eyes and the Rose by Bette Middler. But we ended before I even recorded the tape. The next few years went on with no lover on that day. The thing is that I am aware that this day is a marketing campaign to bring people into the stores however, it has become to much that it is a day were you don’t fit into society if you are single (it seems). The stores become littered with red and pink teddies, hearts, chocolates and everything else symbolizing ones great love for another. Last year I was not single and was excited to partake in this day. My gift for Mike was very heartfelt containing chocolates, cinnamon hearts, a mixed cd, and some other edibles. I worked hard on it for a great length of time and spent a little more money then I should have. On our little gift exchange day he presented me with a small box, I was a little nervous but opened it to see a silver watch ticking back at me. Well I have babbling a great length and avoided the reason why I don’t like v-day. The thing is, even though you can get anything under the sun in the form of a Valentines Day gift, it’s not the gift but rather the thought. Even if you love me on that day don’t buy me a pink teddy stating that you love me but rather, show me. Show me that you love me and do something nice. The day of pink and red has become too materialistic and has become the day to make up for the lost days that you should have cared more. Am I making sense? If not, future mates of mine, take from this that I would rather have a brown teddy with no hearts on it and if you feel like it a dozen red roses and if you feel more comfortable you can present them to me on any day between February 13th to July 12th.

I know that I am not alone in my dislike for Valentines Day, but even if I was I’d still hate it.

Martha

PS. The watch never worked.

almost considered an entry

Well after a great few days in my old hometown of Waterloo, well not hometown, but my previous town I called home, I’ve had a lot to think about and I want to type about a lot of different ideas. Which means one thing… I have more guy issues. However, hopefully I can put my shallowness aside and talk about my dislike for Valentines day, the amount I love my Waterloo friends and I’m so very glad they love me back, the recent emails updating my previous blog, or maybe, just maybe, politics. Basically, the amount I dislike Valentines day is the amount I dislike Mr. Harper and feel that he shouldn’t run the county. Although, reasons for my dislike of V-day and Stevie are completely different from each other and they will be discussed in a later blog. Last night was a great time and I am lacking sleep. I thought that I might be in the mood to create a write up, but I’m tired and lacking many ideas.

So tomorrow I should try.

Stay Classy, San Diego

Martha

A Reason, A Season and A Lifetime

“A reason, a season and a lifetime” says my brother-in-law about the span of friends through the years. Which, I guess, is true. I hate to admit it, but with my experiences throughout university I have learned that it might be true. I’m not stating that I’ve had a rough social life within those years and I’m not trying to be sentimental with a handful of experiences to ease you through a loss of a friend. But, what is life if you can’t learn from your past and scratch out the “ML&MB BFF” that you’ve scribbled everywhere in a possible attempt to seal the deal. (best friends forever).

A recent situation has brought this topic close to my mind. The bottom line is, if your going to say your going to be at a gathering of a group of your friends and then not show up your kind of giving the impression that you don’t care for your friends as much as they thought you did and as a friend probably should. So now I ask the question, is she a reason or a season, ‘cause I’m betting ten to one that she’s not a lifer. I’d hate to paint a picture of me being shallow and not giving her a chance to explain, some of you may feel that if this is her first offence, she was just caught up with something. Hold that thought though, because this isn’t her first offence. This friend was a good friend in high school and I think the best type would be seasonal. Those four years evolved around the L corridor social group, us ten ladies were very different, but somehow we created a friendship and loved each other’s presence. It’s typical to loose friends in the transition out of high school and I am aware that I’ll never see some people again that I was once excellent friends with. So highschool and the common location is a good season reason, but lately she got married. I was surprised to be invited to her wedding, but yet would have been very annoyed if I was not. We attending universities in the same town and I tried very hard to keep in touch. However, my efforts seemed to be not much more then a kind gesture and a backup plan if her new and cool friends were busy. But her engagement was announced and within months we, the group of high school friends, were invited to bridal showers, stag and does, and the bachelorette party. At the wedding she chummed up with us as though this is the best party we’ve been at together and these memories are going to stay with us forever and she was so glad that we were there. (Well Mags, I hope you have fun with those memories). The reason: a large number of gifts and a large number of people to help create the illusion that she is a great person with many friends. I mean, I don’t regret going to the wedding at all and I don’t regret trying to maintain the friendship but I feel that I deserve a reason for the no show. I could go on and on about our friendship and rant about the good and the bad times, but I have other friends that deserve mention.

And these friends who deserve mention are known as the lifers. I don’t want to name names (and therefore lacking to give appropriate mention) but if are wondering if you might be a lifer in my life, the chances are good if the effort is there (on both ends).

It turns out I don’t have much to say about lifers, but that I love you most of all and always will and I’m not going to promise but I’m going to be friends with you even after I’m married.

Martha

I don't like the appearance of my blog, I wish i knew how to edit it and make it cool and personalized rather then using this basic template. Even though i have not yet seen anyone use this same template, i still feel like i need to be different. I really want to create my own webpage, but i don't have much of a reason to do that. I had thought that maybe when job searching are looking at my resume, it'd be cool to have a website (a website of nothing though).

I'm very tired of this job search, i know i'm not "selling myself" as much as i could be but the day to day not doing anything is wearing me down. I've thought lately about rejoining a Martial Arts Dojo, but i have a very limited means of transportation and unless I attempt to teach myself how to drive a standard i don't have a way of getting there. Although, both my brother and sister who i live with both have a standard so i may have to take the plunge. For my job search, i'd really like to get involved with conserving natural habitat and possibly the tourism aspect to it, but getting that perfect job is much harder then my motivation allows. Now future employers do not read that last line and take from it that i am lazy, but i am dealing with the same problems of job searching that most recent graduates are facing. (Except for those lucky people who came out of school with a job lined up... you know who you are.)

Well it seems my ramble isn't very long today. My main topic is past and present relationships and since that area is practically non-existance i have to actually think of something to talk about. I need to write some cover letters and broadcast letters so i need to save some imagination for that as well. (I strongly dislike cover letters.)

Martha