monster trucks and belly button lint

Mike says that some of my entries are really down and depressing. I asked him if it mattered and he said I could write whatever I wanted. I am experiencing a great deal of depression. I know that people often have a hard time finding a job when they first get out of school and even when they have been at the job for a while and I’m told not to get down, but I have, I successfully gotten farther down this past week then I know how to re-cheer myself back up. I was always depressed as a kid but it was better when I could go to school and forget about the pain for 8-9 hours during the day. Here, I don’t have time to forget, it’s always present and with that it’s a vicious circle. I don’t leave the house enough and when I do I can’t go anywhere (except for the odd day I can go into Cambridge when my sister works). Yesterday I went for a walk, which was nice. I’m not sleeping well either and sleep about 5 of the ten hours I spend attempting to sleep. Last night I figured out how to work the radio in my room and attempted to listen to my Discman but the batteries were dead. I find it very soothing to listen to music when you sleep, A, it muffles random sounds in the house, b, it clears the mind, and C, if someone was to rob you; they know someone is in the room. I’m not surprised my Discman is dead, I listened to it most nights while in England, cause I couldn’t sleep a lot there either, much different reasons though. So that’s the reason for this blog entry, I didn’t sleep well and laid awake all night deciding what I wanted to write, realizing that writing has taken over my obsession of the Sims. At least this obsession is healthy and positive rather then living my life through some computerized people.

And you, I prayed for you. I didn’t pray for your soul nor your eternal salvation, I didn’t pray for your spiritual well being or you state of apathy. But I prayed for you, you are admirable and possess value on a grand scale in my mind and I prayed selfishly for you. I prayed for you like I prayed for passing marks, like the odds of finding $1000 laying on the street for me, I prayed that you’d be the one to enter my life and make me smile, I hoped that you’d be the one to hold my hand through this worldly life. But like my passing marks and my mysterious $1000, you’re but a mere dream and a slight waste of breath that I sent to God. You might have felt something once, or you might not have.

Wow, this pair is kinda good, I haven’t enjoyed a pair since Plaquet’s cut down their tree. Did I use the right spelling there? Ah who knows? Interview study notes are calling my name.