Loneliness

Most mornings, although I’ve only been through a few, are the same. I arrive at the office at 8am to see only Karen’s Golf in the lot. She’s there, therefore the door is unlocked and I can go in. We have a 5 minute conversation if my boss isn’t in yet. One day it was about driving and dumb drivers, but yesterday it was different.

“I’m lonely here,” I explained in conversation about my upcoming birthday. Thursday may feel very lonely if I don’t plan for a dinner that night rather then save the partying for the next day. “I’m lonely too,” she said. And my heart broke for her.

I’m lonely here because I’ve left so much behind. I miss my sisters, I miss my high school friends, I’m missing out on the wedding preps, and I miss the sense of being home. I’m here short-term for a job then I’m gone again to an unknown place for an unknown length of time. It brings a sense of adventure, but that soon wears and I’m left here to dwell on the stress of money and friends.

But she’s lonely because her husband past away nine years ago and has only now began to date again. And I’m never going to get that, knock on wood, I’ll never know that feeling. I miss Mike a great deal, but lets rehash; I wasn’t happy as his gf and I broke it off, I’ve been through phases of dislike for him and I know that he wasn’t the one, and he’s still alive. She loved him and now he’s just gone, like that and I’m sorry that I feel lonely. I have no right to.

Anyways birthday countdown: 7 days.