I walked away

I checked the time before I entered the mall. He goes there frequently for lunch before he heads to work, but it was 3:00 on a Thursday he’d obviously be at work. I had no reason to worry.

I walked through the mall with one thing on my mind: cheap prices at Walmart. I walked past many stores that I would go in if I had money to spend and I walked faster then if I was there with someone. And I didn’t look around, I wasn’t going to be there for more then 30 minutes and had no reason to dilly dally.

But as I was walking back through the mall, my eye caught him and proceeded with many thoughts. I knew it was Mark, but for some reason my heart jumped to the desire to get to know him, he looked good, and I love a man who enjoys a nice cup of coffee with a book. This guy proceeded to get up from his chair and put his headphones in his ears. Did he see me and was he ignoring my presence or did he actually just decide to get up as I passed by. When I realized I was in the presence of someone whom my heart once longed for I sank, my heart stopped and my feet sped up. Then I thought that all was probably well and he’d greet me with a smile if I approached him. It had been a few months and a few settling emails since. But I proceeded to walk. I did turn though with the intention to greet him. My mind told my heart that he’s a buddy I haven’t seen for a while and wanted to catch up but my heart then told my mind that he once told me to walk away.

Of course I looked back. But I walked away. I wonder if he saw me either time I walked past him, I wonder what he thought. Did he gringe, did he hide behind his book or did he even care. I wasn’t dressed to impress, but I would have if I knew I’d see him. I would want him to know that he can still have my heart and I’m still single and if he wanted a second chance I’d be there. But I walked away.