the term failure...

I’m not going to admit defeat, but some days it seems easier then persevering. The term failure seems to love me these days.

Issue One: My Quilt
If I was a professional quilter I’d know all the little tricks to making it perfect but because I’m not I can’t even get close to perfection. My last strip of 5 patches ended up being much shorter then the other strips and so I have to find some way to make it long while finding ways to make the other five strips line up. It’s very complicated and if I had thought about everything ahead of time then I would have done everything differently. I’m too eager to see progress and am not worried about the finial product as much as I should be. If I knew making a quilt would be this complex I wouldn’t have attempted it or maybe I would have and I would still do it, but knowing that it’s very complex.
I keep making goals, for the long term, for the day and for the week. I don’t know how long I expected it to take me but I’m nowhere near any of the goals I’ve made. Every process that I plan to take a day it actually requires three days of work that I didn’t envision. So now my goal of getting the top fully completed for this next weekend is pushed back a week and my fusteration has risen to an all time high with the little details I now know I should have done weeks ago.

Issue two: my car
Today was supposed to be a car-shopping day. Yes, I’m that close to actually buying a car that there was a day set aside to look at them. I called Tyler to see if he’d take me. Tyler is my brother-in-law’s son who is 22 or something but has been fixing and remodelling Honda Civics for about 8 years now. He dropped out of school early and has been spending most of his time and money souping up cars. Who better to ask right? Well last minute he told me that he has a baby Christening to go to and wasn’t sure if he could make it. I’m assuming by his presence here that he couldn’t make it after all. I hope the people that I called don’t mind me not showing up.
So then now I have to rearrange my plans, Honda Civics seem to get sold really fast and I’m sure that by the next time I have a chance to see some they will all be sold. *Sigh* Mayve it’s a sign, I’m not meant to have a car. Which leads to my next issue.

Issue three: My job.
Maybe I’m just not meant to have a job. If I can’t get the same job I had last summer because I’m not qualified for it then how am I supposed to beat out the competition of a job which I haven’t done before. It was a quick blow to the head hearing that I didn’t qualify for my previous position and I’m left with thoughts of inadequacy. I mean if there were restrictions on that job like I had to be a student or I could only have it one year then this rejection wouldn’t be as hard. But guess what… there were no restrictions and I thought and was told by former CVC employees that I’d be a surefire in. But I’m not… because I am not qualified for this year. I think it is actually a personal thing. I think if she liked me she’d give me an interview at least and if there were other more quailified people that beat me in the interview people I’d have no choice but to move on. But I don’t even get an interview. I could rant longer but I’m sure you no longer care about my job searching troubles and am tired of hearing about this depressing time for me. So life goes on and now I’m left to keep plugging away at this process.