The Sum of all Fears

I’m not an avid Dr. Phil watcher but I’m normally sitting by the tv at that time of the day so I flip to it once in a while. Yesterdays topic was about fear, and boy can I relate, I fear more then sometimes humanly possible. However, I’m not afraid of masked characters or aliens like the people on the show.

I fear a great deal and it seems true with Dr. Phil’s theory that the only fear is loosing control of the circumstances and it’s your weakest area that creates cause for fear. I fear almost anything. I hate heights, I hate scary movies, I fear that people close to me are going to die, I fear the holistic damage of men whether it being rapped or a broken heart or beaten, I fear being robbed and loosing my processions, and I fear driving, I fear that something will happen to me because I’m not a good driver.

It’s not that I’m a bad driver, I’ve just never been given the opportunity to be a good driver. I hardly ever drive. My dad yelling at every stupid thing while learning to drive didn’t help and loosing friends in car accidents hasn’t eased the idea of driving either. But I’m at a point in my life where I am car dependent and though I’ve pictured myself owning a car (cause that’s just what you do when your older) I don’t feel I’m ready. But on the other hand I’m missing out on so much by not having a car and lets face it, I’m not becoming gainfully employed by just sitting around. So fear one addressed, eventually I will purchase a car and I’ll gain confidence and control.

Fear two is my phobia of the dark, not only when the lights go out but what is possibly happening when you can’t see around you. Yes, there is a loss of control there, you can’t run from what you don’t know is happening. The other night I was annoyed that none of my friends were available to come and spend the night here. I understand that there wasn’t a lot of notice but my best friend wasn’t willing to drive an hour to see me when she had nothing else to do but she can drive an hour and a half to see her boyfriend twice a week. Anyways my dislike for being ditched for the other sexes is a topic for another day. I dealt with my fear of the dark though. It was real simple, I drank a lot and by the time I actually crawled in bed I could care less about the stupid noises and the fact that I had to leave all the lights on because I had too big of a headache and the fear was numbed.

I’m a big girl and I shouldn’t fear the dark anymore but I can’t get out of bed after the lights go out and when I do to go to the bathroom or something I need to turn all the lights back on to make sure that no one is there. Watching Dr. Phil made a lot of sense though and I’m not embarrassed to be afraid of things as much as I was. I have had circumstances that have brought on these fears but what is life without challenges. I’ll buy that car and live on my own for a period of my life and the darkness will swallow the light, day after day.