I hate endings...

And I hate not getting closure. But closure for me doesn’t exist. I ponder the what-if’s and the why-nots for what seems like an eternity. I dream about bumping into who ever I liked when I was fifteen and what I would say to them now. Would they like what they saw? Are they worth waiting nine years to see again and to think about the whole time?

Ø I hate how I have to wait a summer of Thursdays to find out what happens on The Office with Pam and Jim.
Ø I hate how I saw him and didn’t say anything and then I think he read my blog and even though I promised not to write about him again, I did, and he saw it.
Ø I hate how yesterday was my cousin’s birthday and she would have been 22 and in seven days it’ll be two years.
Ø And I hate how I’m conflicted with relationships. How I really want to see what he’d be like as a boyfriend and how I would like to invite him as my date to a friends wedding but I have doubts that my heart will remain with it.
Ø I hate that these weddings I have to go to are consuming my summer and what little money I have and I hate how I’m attending these weddings as a single person and even if I bring a date or meet someone there, I’m still that single person attending the weddings of friends and sitting at tables where the people are all dating or married.
Ø And I hate that Will and Grace is going off the air. I loved that show.

Before you read this and picture me very bitter and angry at the world because Jim kissed Pam and not me. Stop, I’m not bitter, just tired and venting and have listened to Dolly Parton and my mom’s Women of Country albums too frequently lately.