this is me walking away

Sometimes I think you are a dream. I think back to the amount I thought about you and the way I thought about you, but your thoughts have faded from the thought that my life would cease if you didn’t return the adoration. I thought the world of you and often thought you were the one God had made for me. But those thoughts have too faded. When I think back to my feelings for you I think about you as a dream I once dreamt.

You in fact were a dream I dreamt. In this dream we were engaged and determined to spend our lives together, we bought a house and I was best friends with your mom, sister in law and niece. And I was your best friend as you were mine. We encouraged each other in life, I helped you get into your passion of writing and you helped me with what I needed. You were there for me and we provided each other with great encouragement.

But you, the reader, and I know that this was all just a dream and some fabrication to what could have been. Also you, the reader, and I both know that he does exist and just merely a month ago I was broken in a million pieces. Although, your thought still crosses my mind, to me, to my heart you don’t exist. To my mind you are just a dream and events like seeing you in the hall at school, seeing you at church or knowing you are my brothers friend are just mere figments of my imagination. I could look you up in the yearbook, I could look at your blog or I could even ask how your doing but that would ruin my life again. I should admit your real, but I can’t. you were a great dream and I held on as long as I could to what could be. But that’s a dream that I’m slowly letting go of. It was the best dream I’ve ever had and you, Mark, are still a dream to me. A reason I wasted this perfectly good heart. I wish you didn’t exist, and I wish my heart wasn’t still waiting for you to come around.

I know that you, as a reader, are probably getting sick of reading about my pity heartbreak that could easily be eased by now, and in the same way I am sick of holding on to something that isn’t happening. But we all know that my life is at a standstill and until I move it forward I’m only sliding backwards. I don’t need to tell explain why I’m still lovesick for you, but I’m hoping you still care. This is me walking away, I told you I wasn’t good at it.