I haven’t been able to blog for a bit and it’s driving me crazy. I lost internet access at my house and so I had to start checking my emails at work, but time gets cut short then and replies to emails and blogging can’t get done. I’ve been in the office for three days now writing the final report, doing basic clerical stuff for my boss, and doing his odd jobs.

Anyways, it’s 8:46 am and many people aren’t in the office. I’m sure people aren’t going to really care if I post a short little blog explaining my absence from my blogging. (I’m sure no one cares that I haven’t updated you all, but I do.)

My last blog was a drunken-I can’t sleep rant, and no one likes to leave that as the blog they type before not blogging again for a month.

the wedding blahs

It's the morning after Mo and Jo's wedding and I'm laying on C and R's couch unable to sleep. I'm not sure how long i've been lying here but i'm getting bored. And with laptop available I had strong desire to blog.

"He apparently doesn't like blondes" J tells me about my inquiries to why I was sitting across the room from my friends. J&M thought that maybe this guy and I would hit it off. R was annoyed that we weren't all sitting together but in the end he had C, and N,A, and K had each other. I was set at a table with people I hadn't really met before. I should have been the annoyed one. The conversations worked though and the wine was readily available.

Who doesn't like blondes? Well, that's not really the point.
The point is, and i think i have one. Weddings are only fun if it's your own. Or your sharing the occassion with someone special.

I realized that I am way lonlier then I think I am. I watch M&J dance and I admitted to myself (obviously cause no one else was around) that I wanted that. I don't need it to be the wedding. I just wanted the affection from someone else. Now is not the time or place but your heart can only love your car so long before you realize its costing you too much money and you don't understand each other.

Don't cry for me though, I think many people feel this way. It's just that i'm not really surrounded with the other lonlies and my company and circle of friends equals either my high school friends and all their boyfriends or my university friends and their boyfriends.

Ah well, I have faith that one day, maybe now or maybe later, He will come along. I'm not holding my breath, but I still have to believe. I am still realitively young and it's still a desire for companionship rather then desperation.

I hope you've enjoyed my 5:30 blog. It almost feels less lonely knowing that you are reading it.

LUB...no shocker here

My bosses eyes are rolled as he sees me walk into the office.
"What," I demand. He smirks, shakes his head and rolls his eyes.
"What!" I say again, getting fusterated thinking that I may have done something wrong.
He rolls his eyes again.

"[LUB's] dad called in today. Apparently he hurt his back yesterday and can't do any heavy lifting."
I roll my eyes and think to myself 'great, if his back hurts, LUB probably isn't coming in. One less person to change the station when a good song is on, one less person in the car and one less person to complain about the daily task.'

"He's coming in, but make sure that he doesn't do any heavy lifting," rolling his eyes again.

"What, I don't want here," my thoughts are all of a sudden louder then they should be. "We both know that he'll milk his injuries and won't do a damn thing" I say justifying my obvious dislike for the kid and refusing to accept his 'whatever' attitude.

I took my time filling out the paper work. It had to be done becasue the little S.O.B reported it. The day went on, very stressfully, but it went on. The tools that the kids were using became dull and broken with their use and I caught them wasting time throwing stuff at each other more then once. After lunch my boss joined us for a different project. He dislikes LUB as well and yelled at him for something minor.

LUB asked me about it in the car. It became a discussion and I said that him getting mad links back to this morning, but didn't really say why. I should have pulled LUB away after work to explain that the boss is getting annoyed with his constant complaining and injuries, he's annoyed that LUB is always the last person to be ready in the morning and is annoyed with his effort throughout the day. But I don't know how to say that nicely, and lack the desire to spare his pain.

At the end of the day I heard L, mother of LUB bitch about my boss and I. Nothing actually said about us, but I know that LUB had gone straight to his mother to tell her the story asap. And of course, L takes her sons side and babies him. I left the office after hearing her. I'm doing my job and don't feel like I should need to hear the bashing that probably continued and may still be going on.

To L, I say: Stop encouraging his malingering. He's a big boy now and needs to learn to take a job seriously. Be strick with him rather then put the blame on his bosses for his laziness. It doesn't set a good example with how to look at future bosses.

I don't mean to underestimate his pain, but he's been the only one of the four to complain about pain. I think that says something. Alas only 8 days left.

Why i hate semi-trucks

I stood by the 401 looking into the ditch at my car. Only two months ago I started driving it and since then I’ve had a few too many close calls. But this time there was nothing that I could have done or should have done differently. Maybe I could have slowed down, or paid more attention. But I wasn’t at fault.

Thinking about the what if’s now is all that can be done. What if it did actually roll like I felt it would? What if I was going faster and the impact of the ditch did damage? What if I couldn’t drive it anymore and I still have 18 months of payments? What if I was hurt or worse, taken? But nothing, I’m fine, and so is the car.

I’ve realized that God is truly in control. What I grew up learning I thought was just motivational talk, and that I have some say in what happens in life. I prayed hard for good grades and he didn’t really seem to come through. He’s granted what I’ve needed though and that’s all I really ever wanted. But then you come close to the end and you know that it wasn’t your time, and you have no control of when your time is or how you’re going to go. I wasn’t close to it, but I’ve realized I could have been.

What happened, written the night of my incident, after we’d arrived at my sister’s place.
“It was misty outside and the 401 was wet. I was driving in the middle lane when out of the blue the semi truck to the right pulled into my lane. I moved to the left, naturally, to see a car in my blind spot blocking my accident free escape from the jackass who was now in front of me. I swerved to my right and began to fishtail. I didn’t know what to do and it all happened so fast. Before I knew it I was in the ditch sliding along the grass counting the seconds till the car flipped. I said to myself that this was going to hurt. The car lifted on its two wheels and I told myself that this isn’t going to be fun. I told myself to relax and just breathe. And then, the car stopped perpendicular to the expressway on all four wheels. I wanted to put in reverse, but that wasn’t possible. My sister got out of the car and called 911. I got out and thought, holy fuck my car is in the ditch and I’m going to need a tow.”

A guy stopped to see if I was okay, later the ambulance and fire truck came but I had no need for them and they left. The police officer came eventually and the tow pulled me out and changed my tire. After all was said and done I handed my sister the keys to the car and we were off.

To make a long story short, I’m fine, suffered some whiplash for a few days but that’s it. My car is fine. There is a bit of cosmetic damage and it needed a new back tire, but it runs almost as well as it did before.

Last Comic Standing is almost on, so ya, that’s it, I just wanted to tell you all about my adventures. I’m fine and doing well. Thanks for reading.