the wedding blahs
It's the morning after Mo and Jo's wedding and I'm laying on C and R's couch unable to sleep. I'm not sure how long i've been lying here but i'm getting bored. And with laptop available I had strong desire to blog.
"He apparently doesn't like blondes" J tells me about my inquiries to why I was sitting across the room from my friends. J&M thought that maybe this guy and I would hit it off. R was annoyed that we weren't all sitting together but in the end he had C, and N,A, and K had each other. I was set at a table with people I hadn't really met before. I should have been the annoyed one. The conversations worked though and the wine was readily available.
Who doesn't like blondes? Well, that's not really the point.
The point is, and i think i have one. Weddings are only fun if it's your own. Or your sharing the occassion with someone special.
I realized that I am way lonlier then I think I am. I watch M&J dance and I admitted to myself (obviously cause no one else was around) that I wanted that. I don't need it to be the wedding. I just wanted the affection from someone else. Now is not the time or place but your heart can only love your car so long before you realize its costing you too much money and you don't understand each other.
Don't cry for me though, I think many people feel this way. It's just that i'm not really surrounded with the other lonlies and my company and circle of friends equals either my high school friends and all their boyfriends or my university friends and their boyfriends.
Ah well, I have faith that one day, maybe now or maybe later, He will come along. I'm not holding my breath, but I still have to believe. I am still realitively young and it's still a desire for companionship rather then desperation.
I hope you've enjoyed my 5:30 blog. It almost feels less lonely knowing that you are reading it.
posted by ~ martha ~ at 5:38 a.m.
2 Comments:
Okay first of all-- who DOESN'T like blondes? Wha? That's a new one to me!
Secondly-- "Weddings are only fun if it's your own." I agree. I'm at those things and I'm like, yeah it's nice, but I wouldn't pay $20,000 for one of those.
Weddings are hard to attend alone, esp if someone wants you to meet someone and he's not that into you or vice versa. I've been in your shoes many times and know it hasn't been fun. I've gotten to the point now where I'll skip weddings- just send presents and good wishes- if I don't think I'll have a good time. It's not really selfish in my eyes to do that. I skip baby showers and wedding showers too. I seriously can't spend my time like that, around a bunch of people who are congratulating themselves that their choices are *better* than mine, comparing disgusting birth stories, and bragging/complaining about how much work they've done on the wedding/baby's room/whatever.
I say, next time, stay home or go somewhere fun. Don't subject yourself to that stuff unless it's a REALLY good friend.
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