Emotions taking over

Today is one of those days where you want it to be over before it even began. Thoughts of sadness and anxiety plague you while your trying to be excited about you new job offer. And now you add fear to your long list of emotions.

Merely five minutes ago after I came home from my walk in the pouring rain I brought in the mail. I flipped through the envelopes not expecting mail but wishing for something to feel special. Loosely on top of the envelopes was a neighbourhood notice from the local Police station. It reads:
“There has been a recent rash of Break and Enters to residences in [my] area.”
“Thieves attend the front door of the residence and knocks; if no reply they attend the rear and smash windows and pry doors to gain entry”
“If you see a suspicious vehicle in the area please contact police immediately.”

And I sit here in my undies because the rain soaked my pants and out of laziness I haven’t picked out another pair. What if someone comes and knocks, I now know it’s the thieves. Are they going to be carrying weapons or are they going to leave graciously when they realize that someone is here. Will they give me time to put on pants before they break my windows? Are they kids or are they older men who don’t see a weak looking girl a threat? I imagine they will come during the day when chances are that not many people are around and that means I have to be alert. As I’ve mentioned in previous blogs I am scared crapless of what could be lurking around my property and this memo only enhances my fears.

But thoughts of my move and my upcoming car purchase and my new job override some of the fear. I only will be living here a few more weeks and won’t have to deal with the notion that someone may attempt to break in. I will be in Ottawa supervising a group of young people for a program run by the MNR. I am stoked, thrilled to the bone that I have received such an offer. I feel that they future possibilities now for me are more towards what I want to do with my career. I dislike the fact that it’s such a short-term contract but extensions are possible and the foot in the door is key.

And today marks two years since my cousin past away. I know I should let her memories rest and the memories we share don’t contain too much of my childhood, but I miss her all the same. I dislike thinking that she had so much going for her in her life and it was cut short. I often think it should have been me, not to be morbid and suicidal sounding but she had a fiancé, she was a year into a nursing degree and was one of the nicest people you’d meet on the streets. I remember she hated having her picture taken and I remember her gladly doing anything for her dad whether it be helping him with his janitorial job or assembling his cigarettes. We went through the boy crazy phase together and enjoyed a lot of the same music. I remember vividly the last time we were together even though it’s going on 10 years ago. And I’ll keep those memories I guess.